Scandinavian Survival Kit

     The food at Beaver Choice Scandinavian Bistro is delicious; a little unusual, but easily understood. Hearty and reasonably priced. You can find out all about it at azcentral.com in an article by Howard Seftel. Then, after reading this survival guide, you should go and try it.

     Things you will need:

1. An afternoon or evening with no commitments other than your meal. This could take a long, long time.

2. A pen and a piece of paper on which to write your order (along with an alternate choice).

3. Dining companions who all enjoy the same foods and are willing to eat off the same plate.

4. A snack to tide you over until your food arrives.

5. A sense of humor (but try not to laugh out loud),

     Here’s our experience:

     Four of us entered the small, 20 seat restaurant at 12:10. There were six other people seated at the minimalist glass top tables. A large, and very appetizing looking catering order was taking up another table. We were given menus and told to order at the counter. There were many, many choices of entrees (a few warned that they would take between 20 and 35 minutes to prepare - we avoided those), and each one came with a choice of four side dishes. You can see why a paper and pen might come in handy. Ken went to place our order, but he had to wait for three other people who had arrived before him. It took a while.  Then he was told that my entree choice was not available because they had run out of gravlax. I came up with another selection, and Ken went back to the counter - where another group of people had taken his place and were ordering. Another wait, then my second choice wasn’t available either. The sauce had to be reduced and wouldn’t be ready until Tuesday. I figured I’d be safe with a third choice of Swedish meatballs, so I yelled over to Ken who saw that each of our orders was being written on a separate piece of paper. Odd.

     We settled in to wait for our food. Our drinks were brought to the table. Sena’s eyes popped when she sipped the pitch black coffee. The waitress said it was always that strong and that there was no milk or half and half available, but she could bring out some heavy cream. I noticed that food was coming out of the kitchen painfully slowly. One dish to one table, a while later, one dish to a different table. Companions were left twiddling their thumbs. It so reminded me of Hell’s Kitchen - I could hear Gordon Ramsey going ballistic: “Shut it down you &*#$%!!!!” . At about 1 PM my Swedish Meatballs were delivered. I put the plate in the middle of the table and invited everybody to dig in. Luckily the servings are large. We finished that off and waited another ten minutes before Sena’s chicken schnitzel arrived. That too was shared. At about 1:35 Ken’s entree was brought. That left Leon, who had ordered Tilapia. We flagged down the owner and told her that we had a 2 PM engagement and would like our remaining dish. She said she’d look into it, went into the kitchen and was not seen again. A while later another staff member came over and told us that there had been a large catering order, that they had only a six burner stove  and that 2 employees had called in sick. I mentioned that I didn’t think it was right to serve some people at a table and not others. “This is the way we do it, we’re not going to change it, and Howard Seftel thought it was all right”, was the emphatic reply. More waiting. At 1:50 a different staff member came over and said it would be a few more minutes. To our disconcerted rumblings he said - and you’re not going to believe this - “The fish has to be defrosted slowly because of the parasites....”  At this point, I’ll confess, I started to laugh loudly and somewhat

hysterically. It may have been rude, but I couldn’t help myself. 

     We were out of time, so Leon decided he’d take the fish to go. Ken went up to the counter and gave one of my Valley Vittles cards to the “parasite” staff member, saying that the food was great but the service terrible. At which point the staff member had a melt-down, yelled at Ken to get out of his restaurant, then went slamming through the kitchen kicking something on the way out. 

     This was truly one of the oddest dining experiences I’ve ever had. Very Alice in Wonderland. But if you go equipped with the five items mentioned above, you’ll have some excellent food. 

Beaver Choice Scandinavian Bistro

1743 E. Broadway Rd.  Tempe   480-921-3137

Tuesday - Saturday 11-9    Sunday  12 - 8